To be or Not be of Helmets!

Sunday Special Editorial Feature

To be or Not to be of Helmets

All over the world governments are basically the same. Some like to take care of their people, some like to abandon their people and some like to put their nose into other government's business. But there is one quality that all the governments share, ability to be unpredictable. Yes, it is a quality, I promise. For example, you cannot tell when America will declare war on someone, or when Pakistani Army will start firing, or Korea will decide it needs to have a hydrogen bomb.

Things like these are going on in our country as well. One fair day, our Goverment decided it doesn't like pornography; and then it got banned. Another fair day, Government decided a city called Delhi should not have diesel SUVs; and poor big cars got banned. I think, some day Government will decide it doesn't like working on Wednesday; and working wednesday will get banned. But recently, owing to this special power of unpredictable-ness, Government in our state decided it doesn't like to see two wheeler riders and their pilions without helmets.

RTOs determined according to Court orders it will have a strict enforcement campaign. As soon as this was announced everybody lost their mind. Including people who don't even have a two wheeler or ride a two wheeler. At this stage, opposition (without thinking about it much) shouted; rulling party wants to benefit helmet makers. Government then pointed towards safety of the riders and then riders went crazy. Nobody wanted this decision to be in effect. Some even criticised that Government should provide the basic necessities like good roads first and then think of things like this.

So now to understand the validity of the issue, let's think about the why-and-what in everybody's perspective. Opposition is arguing because its their job to argue, even on unnessary issues. Government is implementing because Court has instructed it to. Ok, that didn't help. So now let's look from a rider's perspective.

If you are a teenager and just got your motorbike then you would want to show it to the world, and while world sees it, you also want to get noticed with it. So obviously you wouldn't want a helmet to block your face. Similarly, if you are a rowdy and your favorite passtime is roaming around town looking at girls, then definitely; you wouldn't want the helmet as well. And if you are a halfwit and want to go home with your brain out of your skull then no matter what, you would never wear the helmet.

Hence, apart from these 3 types of people and senseless leaders and sadists and terrorists and Pakistan; everybody else will want to wear the Helmet. That include people who buy motorcycles, people who make motorcycles and people who love motorcycles. Which account for roughly 80% of our population.

And I don't see a point where the majority is wrong. Men look manly and sensible with their Helmet, Women look pretty and lovely with their helmets. One can even have Helmet in matching color of the motorcycle. There is recently a trend of showing off your manliness by riding a Royal Enfield (or maybe you are too fat for a normal motorcycle) and Enfield rider just looks incomplete without RE branded Helmet. Hence, wearing Helmet is actually for those lovely and lovable and intelligent individuals who have a working brain made up of flesh in their beautifully shaped skulls.

If you are an accountant and expect something more for getting a Helmet, then there are even many other reasons to wear the Helmet. See, if you are a thief and you are running away, to mask your identity you can use the Helmet. If you have a fighty wife then Helmet helps big time. People, in essence, Astronauts wear Helmets, Pilots wear Helmets, Soldiers wear Helmets, Ironman wears Helmet but Racers wear Helmets even while driving a car! See how responsible people these racers are.

And if you are not wearing the Helmet because it is causing you bald spot, that's because you are wearing a wrong helmet you apolocalyptic idiot. Also if you have read it till this far and if still don't wear your Helmet while you ride, I wish may you not find a loo when urgently required. May god bless you, apart from the urinals.

- Mandar Sakharam Gotad. Editor, Mazi Gadi.